Sunday, January 24, 2010
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Anyone care to help me make a life altering decision of life or death?
I dont know how executioners sleep. Bella has been with me for 15 or 16 years. Since she could fit in my palm. Saturday is a deciding vet appt. She may come home with us, she may not. But as a telling point apparently I already made up my mind as I made a grooming appt for right after for only Yukon so he can be in the house with us.
Belle has been getting progressively senile. She bites when you brush her, even when her coat in in excellant shape- and shakes. She has been chasing chickens. She has been outside all summer as she cant be around E as we cant trust her. Her hips and shoulders seem to hurt, the injections I was giving her hurt and never seemed to do much good. I have had her to multiple vets, literally all over the country, spending thousand dollars over the past 5 years. In AK it started with her sound asleep in the floor then jumping up and bolting across the room, repeatedly. She has been blood paneled, xrayed, tumors removed all benign. Teeth caled twice within 6 months of each other surgically and that is with me brishing her teeth 4x a week between them. She has a deformed jaw and rottening teeth. We just cant keep affording such maintenance. Sure she loves to play ball and take short walks BUT she hurts when you touch her body- seems to me at least- and sleeps so soundly you can rock her with your foot as Yukon barks- just to see if she is alive. Giving her to someone seems so irresponsible- 'here take my dog and spend a fortune and then do what I don't have the gut to do'. To keep her in the house as she needs to be because it is so cold would be miserable. She would be locked into a tiny room as she cant be across a baby gate from E due to biting. And poor Yukon, for all his 5 years he has been with her.
Then there is the not so pretty and pure side.
I cant stand her since I had E. She seems a danger to my child. She smells terrible no matter how often she is groomed and it makes me nauseaus. We cant haul 2 dogs around with us. Yukon is great with E and needs to be a part of our lives and I just miss him. I have always been a bit apathetic towards Belle because she was a breeder replacement for my love Killer who died a few weeks after getting him of seizures- we never bonded properly. But we have done agility and herding and miles of hiking together and I do love her. But it is much more convenient financially and safety wise to euthanise her- she has had a great life with many adventures- AK and back as a road trip in the military. Shes seen moose and eaten wild blueberries and cranberries and salmon. Been hiking up Mt Lemon in Tucson AZ. Been to the beach in LA and Oregon. Took a ferry ride from Washington state to AK and driven twice through Canada..... She was once a great kid dog. She LOVES kids on walks she gravitates towards them, tail wagging, just wanting to play and love. But she is so old and changed now she tries to run from them in close quarters and nips if they touch her. How do I handle E around that? It is impossible I think.
My heart and head hurts and I cant sleep. Getting older sometimes sucks.
Am I doing this purely for my convenience and betraying a friend with death or am I doing the responsible thing, easing her into sleep as she has had a great life. Why cant I just wait to go out and find her dead? Or is that cruelty because in nature she would have been driven or left the pack unable to keep up and picked off by a predator? So I am aiding nature and assisting her???
I dont know how executioners sleep. Bella has been with me for 15 or 16 years. Since she could fit in my palm. Saturday is a deciding vet appt. She may come home with us, she may not. But as a telling point apparently I already made up my mind as I made a grooming appt for right after for only Yukon so he can be in the house with us.
Belle has been getting progressively senile. She bites when you brush her, even when her coat in in excellant shape- and shakes. She has been chasing chickens. She has been outside all summer as she cant be around E as we cant trust her. Her hips and shoulders seem to hurt, the injections I was giving her hurt and never seemed to do much good. I have had her to multiple vets, literally all over the country, spending thousand dollars over the past 5 years. In AK it started with her sound asleep in the floor then jumping up and bolting across the room, repeatedly. She has been blood paneled, xrayed, tumors removed all benign. Teeth caled twice within 6 months of each other surgically and that is with me brishing her teeth 4x a week between them. She has a deformed jaw and rottening teeth. We just cant keep affording such maintenance. Sure she loves to play ball and take short walks BUT she hurts when you touch her body- seems to me at least- and sleeps so soundly you can rock her with your foot as Yukon barks- just to see if she is alive. Giving her to someone seems so irresponsible- 'here take my dog and spend a fortune and then do what I don't have the gut to do'. To keep her in the house as she needs to be because it is so cold would be miserable. She would be locked into a tiny room as she cant be across a baby gate from E due to biting. And poor Yukon, for all his 5 years he has been with her.
Then there is the not so pretty and pure side.
I cant stand her since I had E. She seems a danger to my child. She smells terrible no matter how often she is groomed and it makes me nauseaus. We cant haul 2 dogs around with us. Yukon is great with E and needs to be a part of our lives and I just miss him. I have always been a bit apathetic towards Belle because she was a breeder replacement for my love Killer who died a few weeks after getting him of seizures- we never bonded properly. But we have done agility and herding and miles of hiking together and I do love her. But it is much more convenient financially and safety wise to euthanise her- she has had a great life with many adventures- AK and back as a road trip in the military. Shes seen moose and eaten wild blueberries and cranberries and salmon. Been hiking up Mt Lemon in Tucson AZ. Been to the beach in LA and Oregon. Took a ferry ride from Washington state to AK and driven twice through Canada..... She was once a great kid dog. She LOVES kids on walks she gravitates towards them, tail wagging, just wanting to play and love. But she is so old and changed now she tries to run from them in close quarters and nips if they touch her. How do I handle E around that? It is impossible I think.
My heart and head hurts and I cant sleep. Getting older sometimes sucks.
Am I doing this purely for my convenience and betraying a friend with death or am I doing the responsible thing, easing her into sleep as she has had a great life. Why cant I just wait to go out and find her dead? Or is that cruelty because in nature she would have been driven or left the pack unable to keep up and picked off by a predator? So I am aiding nature and assisting her???
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
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